k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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