Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
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Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
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I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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