So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
