good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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