Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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