i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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