I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
