In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
