Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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