After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
PANTIES FOUND
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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