We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
