How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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