i will never coherently bang her
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
