oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
