I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
