I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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