so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
