You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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