I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
