It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
