Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
