we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
