Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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