Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
