Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
