What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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