When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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