who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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