I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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