If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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