Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
