if you like me you must not know who I am
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
