Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Randomize
