She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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