I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
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