If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
