I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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