Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
