I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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