This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
