Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
