im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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