I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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