They should really pass out barf bags in church
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex