You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
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