somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
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Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?