I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.