I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
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i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.