i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
