Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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