Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
