dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
