you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
