What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
