i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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