Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
