he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I just found puke in my bra..
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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