Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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