Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
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