How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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