I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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