you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
