oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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