Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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