I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
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