he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Randomize
