i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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