you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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