Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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