I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
