ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
