then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
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The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
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Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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