I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
