this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
