I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
