I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
