i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
